What you eat effects how comfortable you feel throughout the seasons. Whle eating for comfort is not as important as it once was before air condiioning and central heating, it can still make an enormous difference in how much you enjoy our New Jersey weather throughout the year. (more…)
When we recognize we don’t have what we need to “get the job done” whether it is clothing so we can show up a certain way or tools to complete a project we’ve launched, we have a few choices. They are to give up on our objectives, make due with what we have, or go out and shop for whatever we need to accomplish our goals. We have the same options regarding our thoughts. If our negative thinking is leading us to give up on our objectives, feel incapable or insecure, or continually uncomfortable “making due” we can begin to “shop” for new and more effective thoughts that allow us to accomplish the personal goals that mean so much to us. (more…)
While thoughts certainly arise in our minds there is a separation from thinking them and listening to them as if they are truth, which they are not, and being able to see how to use them to pull back from suffering and towards power and possibility. This practice can help us to stay grounded in what is real, face our pain, avoid unnecessary suffering from the negative thoughts that inevitably arise, and grow from unwanted and unwelcome change. (more…)
I recently finished reading Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein, an amusing and heart warming book. The art of automobile racing was one of the themes within its pages, and the racing adage, “Car Follows Focus”. It says that while racing, the driver’s hands follow her eyes, the wheel follows her hands, and the car follows the wheel …or, extrapolating to the broader experience of life, the destination in which you are heading is determined by where you are placing your focus. In the book, a driver avoids a multi-car pile up by focusing on the narrow strip of grass adjoining the track and beyond, not on the unfolding disaster in front of him.
I’ve been reflecting on the truth of this adage in my experience. It is clear to me that when I shift my focus from what I am displeased with to what I desire, pathways open up. I begin to experience the freedom to move towards that which I desire rather than being stuck in place with that which doesn’t please me or seeing myself heading towards an experience I would rather avoid.
After I was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease I focused on the available information which explained the possible and projected impact of the disease. While my focus was there I was a stressed-out mess. When, after months of suffering, I asked myself what it was that I wanted for my life, I realized that I wanted a life of health and wellness regardless of the diagnosis. After that realization I headed in that direction and rarely looked back. Even while planning for open heart surgery and transplantation I kept my focus on that patch of green on the side of the track where wellness was to be found!
It is an investment of awareness and energy to ask ourselves “What is it I really want to experience?” The return on that investment is a life of unusual and rewarding satisfaction, in all circumstances.
Best herbal remedy acts internally and addresses the underlying structural issue that is causing a patient’s pain and dysfunction and severe headache as a result of deeprootsmag.org buy levitra wholesale it, that this type of surgery may be appropriate. The market is flooded with ordering levitra numerous medications which ensure a healthy erection for pleasurable intercourse. Firstly because it can be easily remedied by making sure you drink the cost of viagra enough water. Drinking your sex life away Too much alcohol can have an adverse effect on your viagra without prescriptions canada health. Our lives have strong similarities to the racing experience for the spirit. We qualify at conception. Our vehicle is our mind/body. We pass the starting line at birth. The track is the seasons through which we go round and round. Our finish line? Death, at least with this unique mind/body. Speed is optional and driver’s choice.
On the track, no matter how familiar we may think we are with it, we encounter unanticipated and unexpected conditions. We take pit stops and utilize teams that assist us with repairs and motivation! To enjoy the adventure of the race, to learn the full capability of our vehicles, to ride all out, and to take our place among the greats who came before us and who will come after us when we cross that finish line – what can be more exhilarating? This race is about the quality of the ride.
Focus on what inspires and moves you and you will be inspired and moved in that direction! Simple yet profound.
This post was first published at MakingMindMatter.wordpress.com in 2011.
“Stories are the only enchantment possible, for when we begin to see our suffering as a story, we are saved.” – Anais Nin
You are powerful beyond your comprehension. You are also perfect, contrary to what you have been told or may think. Now, what stories have you been creating your experience of life out of? You are weaving the fabric of your life from these stories.
It’s a dog eat dog world.
Men are from Mars, Women from Venus.
Those who get ahead are lucky.
My background set me up for failure.
The world is a dangerous place.
Everyone is out for themselves.
I’m not smart.
I’m not talented.
Life sucks and then you die.
If it can go wrong it will.
I married the wrong person.
My kids, spouse, parents, disease, boss, world, etc. are holding me back.
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How are these stories serving you? If they are not, change them. BE CAUSE consciously. You are powerful beyond your comprehension. Once you get clear that you are ready for a new story, use the pathway below to deconstruct the old and create the new.
Mindfulness – What story have I been living out of? Choose one story at a time.
Inquiry – What evidence have I gathered to reinforce this story? Your evidence is as biased as your story.
Focus – What am I feeling as a result? How do my behaviors reinforce my story? What results are being created?
Reframe – What story do I want to be living out of? Begin writing this new story in your mind and begin living as if it were true because it will be, gathering one shred of evidence at a time, however small. Repeat above with each story that is causing you suffering.
If you think this is too simple you are telling yourself a story; ”My problems are too complex and real for this stupid, insensitive, annoying message.” If you are angry you are telling yourself a story; “Whoever is writing this doesn’t understand what I have been through and is insensitive and cruel.” Your freedom is more important to me than your story. I feel empathy for your suffering. So much so, I am willing to have you be angry and challenge the presence of the door I am showing you. Get angry. Notice how attached you are to your story, how willing you are to defend it. You will fight for it, even die for it. You are powerful enough to change your story. Here’s the story of one person who did.
Jules had dropped out of two schools. For the past year had spent most of his time in his small apartment on his computer surfing the web, checking out the great stuff everyone else on Facebook was doing, visiting porn sites, and feeling depressed. Friends and family were telling him he was wasting his life. Didn’t he know it! One day he ventured out and found himself with a stranger sharing his story. Remarkably, the stranger had an entirely different take; “Congratulations, what wisdom!” said the stranger. “Rather than forcing your way forward on a path that obviously was not inspiring you, you’ve allowed yourself to stop and retreat to the cave. What would be worth coming out of the cave for? What would be worth attempting and even failing at if it offered you the possibility of success if you kept at it?”
In the light of the stranger’s perspectives Jules saw himself as wise, not wasteful, the cave as a valid place of retreat, and failure as part of the path towards accomplishing something he determined is of real and significant value. Jules asked himself the stranger’s questions. He went back to school, at first taking one course. He threw himself into it, put in the effort and succeeded this time. After a series of unusual and unpleasant events, throughout which his new self acceptance, appreciation, and goals determined his choices, he moved to a new city with friends, enrolled in college full time and is pursuing his new empowering story of self.
In all fairness, there were other conversations with the stranger, reinforcing Jules’s power and capabilities. The stranger was a coach. The story is true.
“Great stories happen to those who can tell them.”
– Ira Glass
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By refraining from taking action in our darkness we allow ourselves to choose illuminated action, action that strengthens what we love and in doing so, weakens that which wreaks additional suffering.
In a few days we will be celebrating Christmas. We will be with family we haven’t seen for a while as well as family we see every day. Some of us will be without family we used to have who have passed on, moved away and aren’t able to make it back, or dropped out from fall out. When you have an accumulation of people you have an accumulation of energies. We used to call these “personalities” yet they are really much more than that. We are affected and affect each other in three ways: we feel neutral, we feel some level of uneasiness, or we feel affirmed and relaxed. We even flip around through all three with the same person depending upon the conversation and our reactions to what is either said or not, done or not, and how it was said and done. The holidays and the energies they bring to us are an opportunity to practice how to learn to generate the very peace, beauty, and love with which we yearn to be filled.
There is a tool, the MIFR, which when utilized can support you in creating the wonderful “feeling experience” of the Christmas of your dreams. The MIFR consists of of four steps: mindfulness, inquiry, focus, and reframing. Whereas the Swiffer is a tool with which to clean a floor, the MIFR is a tool to wash clean the thoughts, feelings, and actions that lead to uneasiness, anger, resentment, and upset and allows us to dance on the newly cleaned surface. While to be expert at using this tool takes practice, even as a novice you can wipe away a great deal of gunk.
Here’s an example of how MIFR works. Aunt Sally comes in with a one way conversation all about what’s ailing her. She doesn’t ask about you or the kids. When she looks around she makes a comment about how you haven’t replaced that worn chair in the living room yet. You become mindful that you are feeling smoke escaping from your ears. You are experiencing a set-up. She’s stuck being Aunt Sally but you aren’t stuck in the set-up anymore. You have a choice. You inquire of yourself what other responses you can choose from since she’s there with her self absorption and complaints and will be the entire evening. Shift your focus on what you want for this Christmas; peace, love, and joy. Aunt Sally may not be able to shift her energy yet YOU CAN. It’s like a Nike ad, JUST DO IT, even if your mind is telling you you don’t know how. She can remain just as she is and as she isn’t and that energy can roll off you like water off a duck’s back. You can feel her energy and leave her to it. Simply by not responding to her in kind is showering grace. You don’t have to and can’t fix her. She doesn’t need to be fixed, just allowed to be who she is free of your judgment and resentment. When you free her from it, you have freed yourself from being stuck in feelings that dampen or ruin your Christmas! Now you can reframe the story and keep centered in the Christmas of your heart. You can even look at Aunt Sally, smile, and tell her that is your very favorite chair and invite her to experience how comfortable it is, while you walk away to greet the next soul at the gathering in peace, love, and joy. THIS IS POSSIBLE. THIS IS HOW TO HAVE THE CHRISTMAS OF YOUR DREAMS, by being what you desire.
The specific steps of MIFRing are:
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A note to those serious about truly enjoying the holidays this year, treat yourself well with sleep and nourishing foods consistently, being conscious that both sweets and alcohol in quantity dulls awareness and can lead to serious “sugar blues”.
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”.
– Mahatma Gandhi
A blessed Christmas to everyone of every faith and non-faith.
My marketplace philosophy is to choose a provider or vendor, respect their efforts, appreciate their products or services, and, when the product serves my purposes and the service is responsive and effective, stay with them despite lower cost offers for the same or similar products and services. At times I have wondered if my approach, staying with a company out of loyalty of quality and responsiveness, is old fashioned or foolish in this marketplace of discount and price competition. My suspicion is that fishing for the lowest price for any product or service, while appearing to be a ‘bargain’, is in fact a marathon to the bottom for our economy as a whole. While I dilute my buying power with loyalty, I also concentrate my personal integrity, knowing that I am supporting my fellow humans with fair wages and benefits. I also experience a reduction in hassle. When people are rewarded fairly for their efforts they are generally happier and more apt to invest themselves in their work. Philosophy and doubts aside, in the past week I have experienced unanticipated rewards for loyalty.
We refinanced our home twice in the past three years with Marc Demetriou of RH Funding as interest rates sank. After the last refi I swore off doing it again, even if the rates dropped further. While refinancing saves money in the long run it comes with a significant upfront cost. On Thursday last I received an email from Marc informing me that the rates were at all time lows and was I interested in refinancing at no cost. NO COST. What? Did I read that correctly? So I wrote back, asked what our new monthly payment would be and did I read it right that there was NO COST? What did he mean by NO COST? He clarified that there would be absolutely no cost for his customers to refinance at this time. No cost and no gimmick. His shared that his year was great, he had accumulated a significant amount of credit from the banks he’d worked with, and was passing those credits on to his repeat customers as a thank you for their business. My application is in. Should it be accepted it will allow us increased financial flexibility. Honestly, I did not think that offers like this happened.
Today while I was futzing around with Facebook for the first time I received a call from Cablevision. They were thanking me for being a loyal customer for the past many years and wanted to know if there was anything they could do for us. Hmmm. “We’re OK” I thought. I shared that I tend to be a loyal customer and told the woman that we have stayed with Cablevision although I regularly get offers from Verizon that are considerable lower that what I am currently paying, at least for the first year. She asked me to hold on while she checked what she could do for me. I hadn’t asked for anything. When she returned she had arranged a promotion saving us $600 in 2013, after which charges would return to the 2012 level. I thought this remarkable. I appreciate it immensely. How lovely!
Lastly, and more about store loyalty to customer than customer loyalty, my daughter purchased a down coat from Burberry six years ago. During the second season she wore it she noticed that the fabric on the sleeves was wearing unevenly and quite differently from the rest of the coat. When she showed the wear to the store they immediately apologized and replaced the coat. Two years later, the new coat showed an odd pattern of wear. Again, an apology was offered, as well as a second replacement coat. My daughter lives in India now and has no need for a winter coat so here we are, six years after the original purchase, and I am appreciating the warmth and styling of this wonderful coat which keeps me toasty. It doesn’t seem to be wearing at all!
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It is said that we pay to play. Perhaps the price we pay, otherwise stated as the investment we make in people, places, and things, determines the quality of the play. Investing in the companies and individuals that serve us well by giving fairly for what we receive may ultimately be the optimal route to the greatest satisfaction for all involved. I choose to consider my spending as investing in the products and services that aide my life and the people that make it possible. That’s system loyalty and it’s rewarding, in the marketplace and beyond!
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“Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You are off to Great Places!
You are off and away!
You have the brains in your head.
You have the feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.“
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– Dr. Suess from “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”
Recognizing our ability to choose and the power that comes from it can have a dizzying effect. Too much choice overwhelms us. The plethora of choices available is perhaps the very reason individuals limit their beliefs, hold on to assumptions and interpretations, and ultimately limit themselves. As a coach I find myself facilitating my clients to identify and focus on their deep inner values and objectives when assessing multiple options from which to make choices. When the drivers of choice are at the level of the core values we hold, the process of choosing is simpler.
Once a destination is set, the route to get there is more obvious. There may still be a number of options to choose from yet if they all lead to the desired destination, the significance of which to choose lessens significantly. Rather than getting lost in the choosing process, the destination becomes the determining factor and the route is one of confidence, even when detours are discovered on the way. The primary choice becomes the integral outcome desired according to these deep drivers. The secondary choice becomes the route traveled. Oh the places you’ll go!
While it’s been generally believed that people in unfamiliar terrain often end up walking in circles, researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics in Tübingen, Germany proved this to be accurate, yet only under a specific circumstance. Findings presented in a study published in 2009 showed that when the study’s participants were tracked by GPS in two very different yet equally unfamiliar environments, they repeatedly walked in circles when they could not see a reference point. In this study, the reference point was the sun. Conversely, when there was a reference point, “when the sun was visible, participants sometimes veered from a straight course but did not walk in circles. They made progress in a specific direction.”[1]
What if this is true regarding how we live as well as how we navigate physically?
I love the concept of consciously “designing a future to live into”. This future of our design becomes the sun by which we navigate. It is out there, shining brightly, drawing us towards it. It is through this envisioned future that we can tell if we are happening off course. With our reference point we have the capacity to reorient ourselves and keep moving in the direction of our desire.
Without this future, what are we navigating by? If we have no reference point out there, are we expending great effort yet living in circles? Could this be why, at times, we feel we aren’t getting anywhere? Perhaps living without a designed future becomes living in circles or worse, living towards what was least enjoyable about our past?
When our reference point is how we don’t want to feel, what we don’t want to experience, we are navigating by our past, our pain, and our fears. And if we are navigating by what it is we desire to get away from, won’t that result in circles as well? We’ll be navigating by where we already are.
The drug is approved by the FDA so it is highly effective and safe in treating ED. purchase cheap viagra The sufferers who bear the history health record of a head injury when an external mechanical force cialis cheapest causes brain dysfunction. A charge off is comparable to trying to stop those tadalafil in canada pop-ups from opening while doing a live presentation. Lots of order cialis online https://www.unica-web.com/archive/2018/unica2018-entries.html people are unaware of this treatment. I’ve done that mistakenly with my automobile’s GPS, setting my destination to where I am rather than where I wanted to go. It kept directing me back to where I had been. Circles are exactly what happened until I realized the glitch!
In November I coached a young woman who was sure what she didn’t want in a partner. She’d go out in the world and see all these living examples of what she didn’t want, in droves! She found this over and over, reinforcing more of what she didn’t want. She was living in a circle. Her reference point? Her past experiences.
I asked her what qualities she did want in a partner. It was a new inquiry for her. We engaged in an exercise of identifying the qualities that she desired. Within a few months she was involved with a partner with the qualities she desired. She had set her sun in her sky, and she began to move towards it.
We can too, about anything in our lives. When we put that reference point up there and head out, we are heading in a progressive direction of both our design and our choice. Happy navigating.
[1] http://www.cell.com/current-biology/retrieve/pii/S0960982209014791, Current Biology, Volume 19, Issue 18, 1538-1542, 20 August 2009
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