Thanksgiving has come and gone yet the opportunity for giving thanks for our blessings remains. Giving thanks for our blessings, an easy enough concept, yes? We are understandably thankful for good health, prosperity, and happiness for ourselves and those we care about, when life shows up as we plan, and when misfortune passes us by, yet this is half of what the experience that life in its fullness exposes us to.
We and those we love also get sick, die, loose jobs , see businesses falter and sometimes fail, and experience disappointment, fear, and betrayal. What about this half of life? How is it possible to experience gratitude for the shadow aspect of being alive, and if we did, how would that change our experience of this other half of life? The following is an old Taoist folktale, providing one route to seeing the shadow in the light and the light in the shadow, rounding out the possibility for gratitude.
“A man who lived on the northern frontier of China had a unique way of interpreting events. One day, for no apparent reason, his son’s mare ran away. Everyone tried to console him, but the father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a blessing?” The neighbors thought him crazy. Some months later the mare returned, bringing with it a splendid nomad stallion. Everyone congratulated him, yet his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a disaster?” Again, the neighbors thought him odd. The father and son’s household was richer by a fine horse, which the son loved to ride. One day the son fell and broke his hip. Everyone tried to console him, but the father asked once again, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a blessing?” By now the neighbors simply shrugged, unable to figure out what was with this old man.
A year later the nomads came in force across the border, and every able-bodied man took his bow and went into battle. Because the son was lame he was not able to join the fighting and stayed at home working the fields. The Chinese frontiersmen lost nine of every ten men. The father and son survived, taking care of each other and eventually helping to build the village up again. The old man’s equanimity in meeting circumstances proved to be an odd and crazy wisdom.
Truly, what we deem a blessing can lead to disaster, and disaster to blessing: the changes have no end. It is impossible to truly know which is which. The mystery of life is unfathomable. “
This is not to say that the challenges and difficulties we experience need be celebrated. It is to say that unanticipated and unwanted change, however dark and painful, contains the possibility of light and growth and when we are able to keep this in mind, we begin to introduce light and open ourselves to embracing growth in all the places we find ourselves.
Here are some personal examples of gratitude that flow out of such an approach:
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