Yes and….

by admin | Dec 2, 2011 | Blog

Yes and…..

So often when I am listening to my coaching clients I hear “Either or” thinking.  “Either or” thinking goes like this:

• Either I eat healthy or I eat what I want.
• Either I work for money or I’m poor doing what I love.
• Either I do what my significant other wants or I do what I want.
• Either I go work out or relax with that book I’ve wanted to read.
• Either I spend time with my kids or I have time for myself.
• Either I work on this project or I watch a movie with my family.

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“Either or” thinking is a zero sum game.  There is always a loss with the gain.  Most of us were raised on “either or” so it is a very natural way for us to think.  While it is natural, it is neither productive nor necessary.  Another approach to life is”yes and”.

“Yes and” thinking goes like this:

• Yes, I am committed to eating healthy and I am going to eat the healthiest versions of the foods that really please me
• Yes, having a level of financial prosperity is important to me and so is following my passion.  How can I find or create a livelihood that allows me to do both?
•   Yes I want to do what pleases my significant other and I also have something specific in mind that I want to do so I will do one of these tonight and one at the next opportunity.  Let’s see what works best for us.
•  Yes, being fit is important to me so I will head to the gym, work out and listen to that book I’ve wanted to read on my headset.
• Yes, I will invest my time in my children, take them to that playground they’ve been wanting to go to, and enjoy being in the sunshine while they play.
•  Yes, this project is important to me and so is watching a movie with my family so I will work on this project after/before/in the early morning, etc. so I can do both!

Everyone who has tried out the switch from “either or” to “yes and” has shared that they have experienced an increased lightness and joy and discovered energy that had been caught up in disappointment.  Those small daily conflicts shrink significantly and can even disappear when we take a “yes and” approach!

The last few weeks I experienced some physical sensations that slowed me down considerably.  In the past I would have felt that either I feel well or I don’t get things accomplished.  This time I used “yes and”.  The result of this switch was that I felt the way I felt and a number of items that I designated as important but not urgent were completed.  It felt good to focus on what I did have the energy to do rather than what I didn’t!

I invite you to try out this switch.  Live in “yes and” and get back to me.  I’d love to hear how it works for you!