Vacationing Well

by admin | Jul 7, 2011 | Blog

It’s summertime!  It’s a time we plan to vacate our usual routines and the places we routinely live our lives.  Yippee.  Pack the clothes, the food, the sunscreen, the insect repellent, the toys (adult and children’s) and we are off to our destination of choice to enjoy ourselves.

Yet vacations can also be a time of stress and disappointment, especially when they include being with other people whom we may not normally be around as frequently or as long in duration.  Even interacting with loved ones can result in upsets when the situations are ones that are unfamiliar, like getting ready for a day’s outing when you and your kids aren’t the only ones going or choosing how to spend a given day when you want to fish, the kids want to go on a bike hike, and your significant other wants to go to the beach TOGETHER! So what’s sunscreen for exposure to other people’s unique ways of being and, if you feel overexposed, what’s the healing salve for interpersonal rub burns?

First of all, clarify for yourself why you are going on vacation.  Is it to relax and enjoy being away from the usual?  Is it to have fun and enjoy the people you’re with? When you are crystal clear on your intention for your vacation, even if you are staying home, you can better detect if your reactions are leading you off course from that intention and recalculate your route. If you’re the one always in charge and always in the know do you really want to take this with you? Can you leave it behind to collect upon return?

Second, if you are going away and will be with family and/or friends under different circumstances than usual, recognize that there will be a learning curve for making yourself understood and understanding others the first few days you are together.  What people say and how you interpret what they are saying may be quite different.  When you feel the hairs rise on your neck, remember to ask for clarification.  Perhaps they are not saying what you are hearing and if they are, whose issue is it?  If it’s not yours, how can you stay out of the way? If it is yours, is it worth diving into when your intention is to enjoy yourself? The more you can observe and learn about your new environment and the new ways people show up in it, the more proficient you can be in thriving there.

Next, remember that by choosing to plan and go on a vacation you are choosing to mix things up a bit.  Neither you nor any of your vacation mates are in their “normal” routine. If you can, be gracious with yourself and others by allowing for some chaos and confusion while everyone figures out how to settle in.  Your largess may dampen any emotional sparks flying around just enough to put them out before the kindling ignites.
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If the kindling does ignite yet you remain intent on having an enjoyable experience, consider viewing the situation as a sitcom (or drama) for which you have front row seating.  Depersonalize the action.  By removing yourself in this way you are in a better position to see the show and continue to be a fan of the performers.  After all, the show is a limited engagement.  If you don’t want your experience wasted, it’s up to you to find a way to enjoy it.

Communicate in advance the types of amusement you would like, and find out what the others you are going away with want.  With advance communication you can relax and so can everyone else by creating a plan in which all feel included.  It’s important to clarify that inclusion means being considered, not having every whim and desire met by others. You can even offer people the opportunity to consider what they would want to bring to amuse themselves or how they can adapt gracefully when the activity planned is not their favorite.   This way all of you can consider in advance approaches to situations so they have less of an opportunity to turn into problems!

And finally, if there is a disagreement or blow up of some kind; go easy on yourself and everyone else.  Consider the role you played in the upset, and apologize if you feel that you over reacted or misunderstood.  Apologies are an opportunity to be bigger than you were if you catch yourself being small.

Remember the toilet paper, the sunscreen, the first aid cream, your favorite books, movies, snacks, toys, tolerance, and love. Have a great vacation!  With these suggestions it just may last long after you arrive home.