by Lisa Brick | Sep 16, 2013 | Blog, Finding Freedom, Health & Wellness, Navigating Life, Opening our Doors of Perception, Relieving Stress, Simplicity
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Source: Living With Less: America’s Quest for Simplicity
by Lisa Brick | Aug 31, 2013 | Adjusting to Change, Blog, Choice, WellnessTips
What you eat effects how comfortable you feel throughout the seasons. Whle eating for comfort is not as important as it once was before air condiioning and central heating, it can still make an enormous difference in how much you enjoy our New Jersey weather throughout the year. (more…)
by Lisa Brick | Apr 24, 2013 | Adjusting to Change, Blog, Choice, Finding Freedom, Navigating Life, Opening our Doors of Perception, Success
When we recognize we don’t have what we need to “get the job done” whether it is clothing so we can show up a certain way or tools to complete a project we’ve launched, we have a few choices. They are to give up on our objectives, make due with what we have, or go out and shop for whatever we need to accomplish our goals. We have the same options regarding our thoughts. If our negative thinking is leading us to give up on our objectives, feel incapable or insecure, or continually uncomfortable “making due” we can begin to “shop” for new and more effective thoughts that allow us to accomplish the personal goals that mean so much to us. (more…)
by Lisa Brick | Apr 17, 2013 | Adjusting to Change, Blog, Choice, Finding Freedom, Navigating Life, Relationships
While thoughts certainly arise in our minds there is a separation from thinking them and listening to them as if they are truth, which they are not, and being able to see how to use them to pull back from suffering and towards power and possibility. This practice can help us to stay grounded in what is real, face our pain, avoid unnecessary suffering from the negative thoughts that inevitably arise, and grow from unwanted and unwelcome change. (more…)
by admin | Apr 1, 2013 | Adjusting to Change, Blog, Choice, Finding Freedom, Navigating Life, Success
I recently finished reading Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein, an amusing and heart warming book. The art of automobile racing was one of the themes within its pages, and the racing adage, “Car Follows Focus”. It says that while racing, the driver’s hands follow her eyes, the wheel follows her hands, and the car follows the wheel …or, extrapolating to the broader experience of life, the destination in which you are heading is determined by where you are placing your focus. In the book, a driver avoids a multi-car pile up by focusing on the narrow strip of grass adjoining the track and beyond, not on the unfolding disaster in front of him.
I’ve been reflecting on the truth of this adage in my experience. It is clear to me that when I shift my focus from what I am displeased with to what I desire, pathways open up. I begin to experience the freedom to move towards that which I desire rather than being stuck in place with that which doesn’t please me or seeing myself heading towards an experience I would rather avoid.
After I was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease I focused on the available information which explained the possible and projected impact of the disease. While my focus was there I was a stressed-out mess. When, after months of suffering, I asked myself what it was that I wanted for my life, I realized that I wanted a life of health and wellness regardless of the diagnosis. After that realization I headed in that direction and rarely looked back. Even while planning for open heart surgery and transplantation I kept my focus on that patch of green on the side of the track where wellness was to be found!
It is an investment of awareness and energy to ask ourselves “What is it I really want to experience?” The return on that investment is a life of unusual and rewarding satisfaction, in all circumstances.
Best herbal remedy acts internally and addresses the underlying structural issue that is causing a patient’s pain and dysfunction and severe headache as a result of deeprootsmag.org buy levitra wholesale it, that this type of surgery may be appropriate. The market is flooded with ordering levitra numerous medications which ensure a healthy erection for pleasurable intercourse. Firstly because it can be easily remedied by making sure you drink the cost of viagra enough water. Drinking your sex life away Too much alcohol can have an adverse effect on your viagra without prescriptions canada health. Our lives have strong similarities to the racing experience for the spirit. We qualify at conception. Our vehicle is our mind/body. We pass the starting line at birth. The track is the seasons through which we go round and round. Our finish line? Death, at least with this unique mind/body. Speed is optional and driver’s choice.
On the track, no matter how familiar we may think we are with it, we encounter unanticipated and unexpected conditions. We take pit stops and utilize teams that assist us with repairs and motivation! To enjoy the adventure of the race, to learn the full capability of our vehicles, to ride all out, and to take our place among the greats who came before us and who will come after us when we cross that finish line – what can be more exhilarating? This race is about the quality of the ride.
Focus on what inspires and moves you and you will be inspired and moved in that direction! Simple yet profound.
This post was first published at MakingMindMatter.wordpress.com in 2011.
by Lisa Brick | Feb 8, 2013 | Blog, holidays, Relationships
“Morticia: So… you still desire me after all these years? The old ball and chain?
Gomez: Forever!
Morticia: I’ll get them!”
Growing up the most powerful model of intimate relationship I saw was between Morticia and Gomez Addams. Yes, this was a television show yet it showed me possibility I wasn’t seeing in “real life”. Their love and support for each other was unconditional and unconventional. They created a home where personal idiosyncrasies were celebrated, appreciation ruled, uniqueness was respected and protected, and all were welcome. Do enduring, rewarding, and sustainable intimate relationships only exist in fantasy?
Society data indicates that divorce is on the rise at the same time that marriage is in decline. This skews marriage to divorce statistics. While statistics are mildly interesting, my interest is not on marriage and divorce but what makes for powerful, enjoyable, and enduring intimate relationships. Relationships such as these occur within and outside of marriage, just as unhealthy and unhappy relationships occur in both circumstances. I’ve observed couples who’ve managed to create unconditional, deeply rewarding, and enjoyable long term relationships. I’ve asked them how they do it…
- Love and accept yourself unconditionally first and foremost. Where you don’t, do the work before you trip you up!
- Love the person not the package. Packages change over time. The inherent qualities within the person don’t.
- Like who you love. Like will get you through the times you are too exhausted to feel love.
- Hold yourself accountable and your partner “able”.
- Be playful with sexuality. Allow yourself your fantasies fearlessly. You will figure out a healthy way to live them, keeping intimacy fresh and evolving together.
- If you feel stuck you are. While it may feel like it’s your partner, look within and you will never blame without.
- Integrate life’s surprises into the relationship rather than using them as a crowbar to break it apart. Don’t let externals lead you around on their leash. They have no direction.
- Make fitness a priority so you can be alive and vibrant for yourself and your partner.
- Understand that failure is a stepping stone to success, for yourself and your partner. Evolution learns through challenges to the status quo and subsequent innovations .
- Be slow to condemn and quick to seek understanding and show empathy.
- Make your personal growth and evolution a priority.
- Question the first thoughts that come up in any situation that you feel challenged in. Most likely your first thoughts are from the past, not the present.
- Question your values. Are they truly yours or simply inherited? Choose yours and live them.
- Assume 100% responsibility for your relationship. Allow your partner to assume 100% for his/her relationship. Relationships that are 50/50 are half as rewarding as those that are 100/100.
- Allow space for yourself. Allow space for your partner. Nothing can thrive without space to grow.
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Relationships are living systems. The above commonalities create an environment in which they can thrive indefinitely. If anybody has pulled it off it means its available for you too if you choose. Please feel free to add to this list out of your experience or by asking those you know who have thriving relationships. Continue the conversation with comments below.
by Lisa Brick | Jan 30, 2013 | Blog, Effective Communication, Navigating Life, Success
One of my clients rang last night. Today was to be her first interview with a Fortune 500 company since she received her Masters Degree the previous spring. It was for a position custom fit for her skills, passions, and purposes, almost. As she reviewed the job description closely she was stopped cold by two required competencies that are not her strengths. These two areas, out of a myriad of others, loomed immense as her confidence began to crash.
This was NOT the energy she wanted to present during the interview. “Hi, I am presenting myself for this position that I would really like to fill but I am not the best candidate because….” was not going to cut it. What to do; be authentically apologetic about her weaknesses, in authentically try to finesse them as strengths, or stay quiet and pray they didn’t come up? Apologizing is disenrolling. Pretending to have competencies in areas where you don’t puts both the hire and the company at risk. This is when we discovered a course that was completely authentic and provided a clear and compelling path forward!
She could be as proud and confident of the areas in which she had room to grow as she was in the areas in which she already excelled. She could communicate excitement around the opportunity and her willingness to expand her competencies and create additional value for herself, the company, the team with whom she would be collaborating, and their collective vision of an increasingly healthy and rewarding world. This is exactly the perspective that will usher in economies that create healthy profits, people, and planet in this time of quickly changing contexts.
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She rang again tonight, pleased with the interview!
by Lisa Brick | Jan 28, 2013 | Blog, Choice, Finding Freedom, Navigating Life, Opening our Doors of Perception
“Stories are the only enchantment possible, for when we begin to see our suffering as a story, we are saved.” – Anais Nin
You are powerful beyond your comprehension. You are also perfect, contrary to what you have been told or may think. Now, what stories have you been creating your experience of life out of? You are weaving the fabric of your life from these stories.
It’s a dog eat dog world.
Men are from Mars, Women from Venus.
Those who get ahead are lucky.
My background set me up for failure.
The world is a dangerous place.
Everyone is out for themselves.
I’m not smart.
I’m not talented.
Life sucks and then you die.
If it can go wrong it will.
I married the wrong person.
My kids, spouse, parents, disease, boss, world, etc. are holding me back.
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How are these stories serving you? If they are not, change them. BE CAUSE consciously. You are powerful beyond your comprehension. Once you get clear that you are ready for a new story, use the pathway below to deconstruct the old and create the new.
Mindfulness – What story have I been living out of? Choose one story at a time.
Inquiry – What evidence have I gathered to reinforce this story? Your evidence is as biased as your story.
Focus – What am I feeling as a result? How do my behaviors reinforce my story? What results are being created?
Reframe – What story do I want to be living out of? Begin writing this new story in your mind and begin living as if it were true because it will be, gathering one shred of evidence at a time, however small. Repeat above with each story that is causing you suffering.
If you think this is too simple you are telling yourself a story; ”My problems are too complex and real for this stupid, insensitive, annoying message.” If you are angry you are telling yourself a story; “Whoever is writing this doesn’t understand what I have been through and is insensitive and cruel.” Your freedom is more important to me than your story. I feel empathy for your suffering. So much so, I am willing to have you be angry and challenge the presence of the door I am showing you. Get angry. Notice how attached you are to your story, how willing you are to defend it. You will fight for it, even die for it. You are powerful enough to change your story. Here’s the story of one person who did.
Jules had dropped out of two schools. For the past year had spent most of his time in his small apartment on his computer surfing the web, checking out the great stuff everyone else on Facebook was doing, visiting porn sites, and feeling depressed. Friends and family were telling him he was wasting his life. Didn’t he know it! One day he ventured out and found himself with a stranger sharing his story. Remarkably, the stranger had an entirely different take; “Congratulations, what wisdom!” said the stranger. “Rather than forcing your way forward on a path that obviously was not inspiring you, you’ve allowed yourself to stop and retreat to the cave. What would be worth coming out of the cave for? What would be worth attempting and even failing at if it offered you the possibility of success if you kept at it?”
In the light of the stranger’s perspectives Jules saw himself as wise, not wasteful, the cave as a valid place of retreat, and failure as part of the path towards accomplishing something he determined is of real and significant value. Jules asked himself the stranger’s questions. He went back to school, at first taking one course. He threw himself into it, put in the effort and succeeded this time. After a series of unusual and unpleasant events, throughout which his new self acceptance, appreciation, and goals determined his choices, he moved to a new city with friends, enrolled in college full time and is pursuing his new empowering story of self.
In all fairness, there were other conversations with the stranger, reinforcing Jules’s power and capabilities. The stranger was a coach. The story is true.
“Great stories happen to those who can tell them.”
– Ira Glass
by Lisa Brick | Jan 15, 2013 | Blog, Navigating Life, Relationships, Success, Uncategorized
Most of us are paralyzed by failure. We were given a toxic message about failing, that failing is bad and wrong. We were taught to avoid it in school, in relationships, and in the workplace, and by doing so we could avoid the self and public disapproval that accompanied it. The pain we feel when we fail, combined with our tendency to go into blame and/or self recrimination, keeps us off the road to success. On this road of avoiding failure or not admitting it’s signs, we gloss over and neither see our responsibility for being where we are nor are we able to learn from our experiences. This road stays raw, the ride bumpy, and the destination dangerous. Today there are new messages about failure, enlivening messages that tell us not only is it unavoidable to fail, it is integral on the path to success.
These new messages tell us that our failures are the paving stones to success as long as we pick ourselves up and go forth with expanded understanding and wisdom. Kathryn Schulz, one of the authors sharing a new perspective on failure writes in Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error; “Of all the things we are wrong about, this idea of error might well top the list…It is our meta-mistake: We are wrong about what it means to be wrong. Far from being a sign of intellectual inferiority, the capacity to err is crucial to human cognition.” Kathryn believes that we are designed to learn from our actions, those that work the way we want and those that don’t. To play it safe is to stifle our ability to learn and grow.
Ralph Heath, managing partner of Synergy Leadership Group and author of Celebrating Failure: The Power of Taking Risks, Making Mistakes and Thinking Big writes “Failure and defeat are life’s greatest teachers [but] sadly, most people…don’t want to go there…Instead they choose to play it safe, to fly below the radar, repeating the same safe choices over and over again. They operate under the belief that if they make no waves, they attract no attention; no one will yell at them for failing because they generally never attempt anything great at which they could possibly fail (or succeed)..” How many relationships, positions, and ventures have ended because of this fallacy?
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While the two authors above speak to corporate culture, the same holds true for personal culture, whether overcoming a failed relationship, a tanked business venture, or navigating a health challenge. To achieve your goals, to make what at first seems highly unlikely possible, you must embrace your failures, learn from them, and treat yourself with grand compassion and love as you rise from the ashes, brush off the dirt and move forward one step at a time. It’s scary not knowing how one step will lead to the next, or if these new steps will lead to where you want to go, yet staying on the ground really isn’t worthy of who you are and what you are capable of.
Of course, assess the steps you are thinking of taking next carefully. Simply hoping for the best is not a viable strategy. Be willing to look in the mirror, do the work, and create strategies and take actions that are specific, measurable, reasonable, and achievable given what is already on your plate. Hold yourself accountable in real time. Allow yourself to assess your skills and talents realistically, with kindness. Use your talents to your advantage and seek out new skills that will allow you to navigate your path with more resiliency, balance, and bounce in your step, and with eyes wide open. Use your failures to inform your ability to achieve successes, one small step at a time. Make your failures the paving blocks of your success.
For more on skill sets for creating healthy intimate relationships, visit “Creating a Co-Independent Relationship” at http://www.powerandpurpose.net/2012/08/03/creating-a-co-independent-relationship/ .
by Lisa Brick | Dec 26, 2012 | Adjusting to Change, Blog, Choice, Finding Freedom, Relationships
What happens when we see or hear something that is unacceptable to our minds yet is happening or has happened in our lives? There is the spouse who discovers that he has been deceived, the parents who learn their daughter has been killed, the adult child whose parent is having a limb amputated, or the individual being diagnosed with cancer. How do we accept what is when it shatters what was or destroys what we thought would be, catapulting us into unknown territory we do not feel capable of navigating? It is neither comfortable nor easy to feel the pain, the fear, the self doubt, the rage. Yet there it is, overwhelming our circuits, preventing movement, disrupting EVERYTHING.
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This is when surrendering preferences is the route forward. This is when the fierce acceptance of that which rips what we have known to shreds allows the fabric of our lives to weave itself anew, stronger yet more flexible and durable than before. This allowing, whether through the solitude of meditation, walking in nature, retreating to our beds, journaling, talking with a non-judgmental and accepting coach, friend, or family member, or a combination of any and all of the above can save us.
“Save us from what?” you may ask, since the injury has already occurred. These practices save us from taking action when we are dizzy, stunned, rage full, and blind to all but our pain. These practices are firewalls protecting us by preventing our pain from leading us to take actions that cause even more suffering than necessary. When we allow reality IN and the feelings that arise within us OUT, WITHOUT TAKING ACTION until they are dissipated, we are able to assess and choose our actions thoughtfully with love and awareness, moving forward powerfully, effectively, and creatively as we become ready. Without embracing this process we go off half cocked, shooting blindly in our own darkness, causing collateral damage. There’s enough of this happening in our world already, agreed?
By refraining from taking action in our darkness we allow ourselves to choose illuminated action, action that strengthens what we love and in doing so, weakens that which wreaks additional suffering.
I found my focus on a deeper level, what really moved and inspired me, which made choosing possible. Working with Lisa has given me the clarity and focus to move forward in my life and understand my role in the creation of my reality. ”
