by Lisa Brick | Dec 26, 2012 | Adjusting to Change, Blog, Choice, Finding Freedom, Relationships
What happens when we see or hear something that is unacceptable to our minds yet is happening or has happened in our lives? There is the spouse who discovers that he has been deceived, the parents who learn their daughter has been killed, the adult child whose parent is having a limb amputated, or the individual being diagnosed with cancer. How do we accept what is when it shatters what was or destroys what we thought would be, catapulting us into unknown territory we do not feel capable of navigating? It is neither comfortable nor easy to feel the pain, the fear, the self doubt, the rage. Yet there it is, overwhelming our circuits, preventing movement, disrupting EVERYTHING.
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This is when surrendering preferences is the route forward. This is when the fierce acceptance of that which rips what we have known to shreds allows the fabric of our lives to weave itself anew, stronger yet more flexible and durable than before. This allowing, whether through the solitude of meditation, walking in nature, retreating to our beds, journaling, talking with a non-judgmental and accepting coach, friend, or family member, or a combination of any and all of the above can save us.
“Save us from what?” you may ask, since the injury has already occurred. These practices save us from taking action when we are dizzy, stunned, rage full, and blind to all but our pain. These practices are firewalls protecting us by preventing our pain from leading us to take actions that cause even more suffering than necessary. When we allow reality IN and the feelings that arise within us OUT, WITHOUT TAKING ACTION until they are dissipated, we are able to assess and choose our actions thoughtfully with love and awareness, moving forward powerfully, effectively, and creatively as we become ready. Without embracing this process we go off half cocked, shooting blindly in our own darkness, causing collateral damage. There’s enough of this happening in our world already, agreed?
By refraining from taking action in our darkness we allow ourselves to choose illuminated action, action that strengthens what we love and in doing so, weakens that which wreaks additional suffering.
by Lisa Brick | Dec 22, 2012 | Blog, Choice, Finding Freedom, holidays, Navigating Life, Relationships
In a few days we will be celebrating Christmas. We will be with family we haven’t seen for a while as well as family we see every day. Some of us will be without family we used to have who have passed on, moved away and aren’t able to make it back, or dropped out from fall out. When you have an accumulation of people you have an accumulation of energies. We used to call these “personalities” yet they are really much more than that. We are affected and affect each other in three ways: we feel neutral, we feel some level of uneasiness, or we feel affirmed and relaxed. We even flip around through all three with the same person depending upon the conversation and our reactions to what is either said or not, done or not, and how it was said and done. The holidays and the energies they bring to us are an opportunity to practice how to learn to generate the very peace, beauty, and love with which we yearn to be filled.
There is a tool, the MIFR, which when utilized can support you in creating the wonderful “feeling experience” of the Christmas of your dreams. The MIFR consists of of four steps: mindfulness, inquiry, focus, and reframing. Whereas the Swiffer is a tool with which to clean a floor, the MIFR is a tool to wash clean the thoughts, feelings, and actions that lead to uneasiness, anger, resentment, and upset and allows us to dance on the newly cleaned surface. While to be expert at using this tool takes practice, even as a novice you can wipe away a great deal of gunk.
Here’s an example of how MIFR works. Aunt Sally comes in with a one way conversation all about what’s ailing her. She doesn’t ask about you or the kids. When she looks around she makes a comment about how you haven’t replaced that worn chair in the living room yet. You become mindful that you are feeling smoke escaping from your ears. You are experiencing a set-up. She’s stuck being Aunt Sally but you aren’t stuck in the set-up anymore. You have a choice. You inquire of yourself what other responses you can choose from since she’s there with her self absorption and complaints and will be the entire evening. Shift your focus on what you want for this Christmas; peace, love, and joy. Aunt Sally may not be able to shift her energy yet YOU CAN. It’s like a Nike ad, JUST DO IT, even if your mind is telling you you don’t know how. She can remain just as she is and as she isn’t and that energy can roll off you like water off a duck’s back. You can feel her energy and leave her to it. Simply by not responding to her in kind is showering grace. You don’t have to and can’t fix her. She doesn’t need to be fixed, just allowed to be who she is free of your judgment and resentment. When you free her from it, you have freed yourself from being stuck in feelings that dampen or ruin your Christmas! Now you can reframe the story and keep centered in the Christmas of your heart. You can even look at Aunt Sally, smile, and tell her that is your very favorite chair and invite her to experience how comfortable it is, while you walk away to greet the next soul at the gathering in peace, love, and joy. THIS IS POSSIBLE. THIS IS HOW TO HAVE THE CHRISTMAS OF YOUR DREAMS, by being what you desire.
The specific steps of MIFRing are:
- MINDFULNESS – As you become mindful of an upset (a set-up you’ve fallen into time and time again) coming on, recognize that when you feel energy/attitude coming at you, THEY aren’t doing it “to you”. You are doing it to yourself in the face of an external trigger.
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- INQUIRY – Assume responsibility for how you are feeling and see what story you are telling yourself in the presence of this energy.
- FOCUS – Remember that your objective is to be peace, love, and joy. What other’s say, hear, and emanate is about them. What you hear, say, and emanate is about you
- REFRAME – Listen with awareness rather than judgment. Tell yourself a new story which will lead to positive feelings towards yourself, the others, and your environment, and take creative empowering actions.
A note to those serious about truly enjoying the holidays this year, treat yourself well with sleep and nourishing foods consistently, being conscious that both sweets and alcohol in quantity dulls awareness and can lead to serious “sugar blues”.
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”.
– Mahatma Gandhi
A blessed Christmas to everyone of every faith and non-faith.
by Lisa Brick | Dec 20, 2012 | Blog, Choice, Loyalty, Navigating Life, Relationships
My marketplace philosophy is to choose a provider or vendor, respect their efforts, appreciate their products or services, and, when the product serves my purposes and the service is responsive and effective, stay with them despite lower cost offers for the same or similar products and services. At times I have wondered if my approach, staying with a company out of loyalty of quality and responsiveness, is old fashioned or foolish in this marketplace of discount and price competition. My suspicion is that fishing for the lowest price for any product or service, while appearing to be a ‘bargain’, is in fact a marathon to the bottom for our economy as a whole. While I dilute my buying power with loyalty, I also concentrate my personal integrity, knowing that I am supporting my fellow humans with fair wages and benefits. I also experience a reduction in hassle. When people are rewarded fairly for their efforts they are generally happier and more apt to invest themselves in their work. Philosophy and doubts aside, in the past week I have experienced unanticipated rewards for loyalty.
We refinanced our home twice in the past three years with Marc Demetriou of RH Funding as interest rates sank. After the last refi I swore off doing it again, even if the rates dropped further. While refinancing saves money in the long run it comes with a significant upfront cost. On Thursday last I received an email from Marc informing me that the rates were at all time lows and was I interested in refinancing at no cost. NO COST. What? Did I read that correctly? So I wrote back, asked what our new monthly payment would be and did I read it right that there was NO COST? What did he mean by NO COST? He clarified that there would be absolutely no cost for his customers to refinance at this time. No cost and no gimmick. His shared that his year was great, he had accumulated a significant amount of credit from the banks he’d worked with, and was passing those credits on to his repeat customers as a thank you for their business. My application is in. Should it be accepted it will allow us increased financial flexibility. Honestly, I did not think that offers like this happened.
Today while I was futzing around with Facebook for the first time I received a call from Cablevision. They were thanking me for being a loyal customer for the past many years and wanted to know if there was anything they could do for us. Hmmm. “We’re OK” I thought. I shared that I tend to be a loyal customer and told the woman that we have stayed with Cablevision although I regularly get offers from Verizon that are considerable lower that what I am currently paying, at least for the first year. She asked me to hold on while she checked what she could do for me. I hadn’t asked for anything. When she returned she had arranged a promotion saving us $600 in 2013, after which charges would return to the 2012 level. I thought this remarkable. I appreciate it immensely. How lovely!
Lastly, and more about store loyalty to customer than customer loyalty, my daughter purchased a down coat from Burberry six years ago. During the second season she wore it she noticed that the fabric on the sleeves was wearing unevenly and quite differently from the rest of the coat. When she showed the wear to the store they immediately apologized and replaced the coat. Two years later, the new coat showed an odd pattern of wear. Again, an apology was offered, as well as a second replacement coat. My daughter lives in India now and has no need for a winter coat so here we are, six years after the original purchase, and I am appreciating the warmth and styling of this wonderful coat which keeps me toasty. It doesn’t seem to be wearing at all!
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It is said that we pay to play. Perhaps the price we pay, otherwise stated as the investment we make in people, places, and things, determines the quality of the play. Investing in the companies and individuals that serve us well by giving fairly for what we receive may ultimately be the optimal route to the greatest satisfaction for all involved. I choose to consider my spending as investing in the products and services that aide my life and the people that make it possible. That’s system loyalty and it’s rewarding, in the marketplace and beyond!
by Lisa Brick | Dec 13, 2012 | Blog, Choice, Finding Freedom
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“Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You are off to Great Places!
You are off and away!
You have the brains in your head.
You have the feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.“
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– Dr. Suess from “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”
Recognizing our ability to choose and the power that comes from it can have a dizzying effect. Too much choice overwhelms us. The plethora of choices available is perhaps the very reason individuals limit their beliefs, hold on to assumptions and interpretations, and ultimately limit themselves. As a coach I find myself facilitating my clients to identify and focus on their deep inner values and objectives when assessing multiple options from which to make choices. When the drivers of choice are at the level of the core values we hold, the process of choosing is simpler.
Once a destination is set, the route to get there is more obvious. There may still be a number of options to choose from yet if they all lead to the desired destination, the significance of which to choose lessens significantly. Rather than getting lost in the choosing process, the destination becomes the determining factor and the route is one of confidence, even when detours are discovered on the way. The primary choice becomes the integral outcome desired according to these deep drivers. The secondary choice becomes the route traveled. Oh the places you’ll go!
by Lisa Brick | Dec 8, 2012 | Blog, Finding Freedom, Navigating Life, Opening our Doors of Perception
I am often asked “What is coaching?” This morning, as I picked up a book that was highly recommended by friend and coach Robin Sampson of First Circle Leaders http://firstcircleleaders.webs.com, I came upon a poem by Hafiz, a 14th century Persian mystic and poet. While the poem certainly is not speaking of coaching but a possible relationship with the divine, there is much here that a sensitive and committed coach supports a client to do for themselves in their own time, with total loving kindness. Enjoy…
Tired of Speaking Sweetly
Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of G-d.
If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.
Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth.
That make you fight with yourself, dear one,
And with others,
Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.
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God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside a time room with Himself
And practice his dropkick.
The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:
Hold up upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.
But when we hear
He is in such a “playful drunken mood”
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.
When will you be staying in town?
I found my focus on a deeper level, what really moved and inspired me, which made choosing possible. Working with Lisa has given me the clarity and focus to move forward in my life and understand my role in the creation of my reality. ”
